Forgive Me

i wish i could lie
the way you need me

i would turn dim gray so
easily rich green

the sounds of hammering on edges
pulling always would but soothe

lazy, greedy betrayals would be justified
by the rights of greater good

for my greater good is more
than just me, like selflessness

i wish i could
lie the way you need

i would build a perfect chair
on a slightly higher ground
well, ok, it would levitate
each approach being my road
to rule with silence or blessing

my beneficence would spread
eagerly gobbled by birdlings
and the bloated faces of liars

i would say: this is the way
things are

i wish i could lie the way
you need floating selflessly

if i could score my soul like a surgeon
i would erect a granite fortress
forged for containment, battles, thick lines
towers as strong as flesh

banners billowing above
the visible fields below
ripe in shining solidity
the first herald arriving
finding everything
has vanished

if i could lie the way
you need me to
i would
cut out half my beating chest
and leave it out for hungry worms
happily pithing the parts of my mind
so you can rest, easily within
i would excise any facet
placing weight on floating chairs
i would even don the garments
of hierophants to release you

but i am too selfish
for excuses

it is a paradox of the pedantic
that anything can be said
yet even so,
all things become us

and if that does not suffice,
let me say, whatever words might come,
i truly wish sometimes i could
shape all things to what you want
to see instead of what you do

just tell me, were i an actor speaking
the words of a pleasing voice
could i not lull you in
to deeper sleep?

and for this harder love,
please forgive me