At the ridiculously early hour of 11am tomorrow, Amy and Jarreau are getting married.
I pleaded with Amy to have a starlight wedding instead of a sunlight wedding, but she couldn’t be convinced. So she will get a zombie guest in me, at least.
I’ve known Amy for several years. We met at her place of work, in the sports industry, where I was contracting. Sports and the military are the two main places left in our society where homophobia is still entrenched. I cannot remember how we first spoke of being gay, but neither one of us are closeted.
Actually, sports seem to not at all mind people who are gay any more. Particularly the younger people. However, it’s one thing for someone else to be gay, it’s quite another for you to be gay. Where sports people are perfectly happy with someone else being gay, they still seem to be very frightened about being out, and gay, themselves.
This is what impressed me most about Amy, when I first met her. She had the courage, the fortitude and convictions to fully be who she was, undaunted by any pressures to remain hidden in secrecy or deceptions.
I’m not certain why she liked me, but I think it must have something to do with my winning smile and sturdy gluts. 😉
Over the time we worked together, we saw each other through a few different crisis and relationships, and I grew to greatly appreciate the keen, and oftentimes brutal insights Amy has, and her strong, voluminous and somewhat startlingly compassionate heart.
A very practical, heart, actually – no-nonsense. And honesty in the extreme.
I don’t know much about Jarreau, except that she’s soon to be a holistic medical practitioner, is very intelligent, highly sensitive, and kind-spirited. I have no doubt that she is honest as well.
Which brings me to my happiest point: Amy and Jarreau know each other – probably as much as is possible between two people. And they have chosen, even in this knowledge, to devote their lives to each other – to help each other, and to be there for each other – no matter what. They have not decided on marriage because they “have to”, nor because they just want to say they’re married. They are not getting married simply because they want children, though they are looking foward to having a family together. They are getting married because they know each other so intimately and their lives have become intwined – and the ceremony of marriage solidifies this merging, validates it, and demonstrates it to others.
Such a merging of two people really needs no ceremony. Heterosexuals often go through a ceremony for just the ceremony’s sake – having no idea really who each other are, or what they truly mean to each other. But in a society where gays are barred from marriage, gays do not get married lightly. Nor are we likely to, even if we were allowed to legally marry.
Amy and Jarreau, despite the inherent “quiet rebellion of love” currently associated with getting married to someone of your same gender, are not being wedded to prove any points, nor make any statements. I’m just meddling right now to do that – and my apologies to Amy and Jarreau for my using them in this way.
What could possibly be more good for this world than more love, more mutual understanding, and more honesty? What could be better than more devotion to the betterment of each other?
When it comes down to it, years from now, when Amy and Jarreau are both fatter, with nasty, drippy children running and squealing around their feet, and their latest worry is who’s going to have time to make dinner tonight – will they have any second thoughts about what they’ve done? Will they ever regret, or even second-guess their decision to commit their lives to each other on this fateful day tomorrow?
I can honestly say, not likely. Not likely in the least. And this because, they are both women, the same gender – and as such they know each other as few can. And, they have been honest. Unmotivated by fear or desperation. Unmotivated by social conventions. Unmotivated by family pressures.
The only motivation they have, is each other.
And that is what marriage ought to be.